Kameron Hurley

Pain in the Ass

Bumped into Mr. T, one of the architects, in the breakroom. He’s been on a “work imbalance” schedule the last few weeks, meaning he’s not laid off, but he’s only allowed to work a couple days a week.

“How are you feeling?” he said.

“Pretty good, actually.”

“So what was it you had? You had diabetes, wasn’t it?”

“Yea. I have no pancreas.”

“So you have this for the rest of your life, right?”

“Yup. No pancreas.”

“Oh, yea, you know, this woman who runs marathons with me wife, she got it. She has this little pump thing with her all the time.”

“An insulin pump, yea.”

“Yea, and she’s out there running marathons. So it’s manageable, I guess.”

“Yea,” I said, “it’s manageable. It’s just a pain in the ass.”

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Fat Bugs

I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of people taking up the idea that “being fat” really is a disease, but at least somebody’s digging into some of the complexities of the what’s going on.

The most unhealthy I’ve ever been was also the thinnest I’ve ever been.

Related note: Women who feel good about their bodies are more likely to eat well.

Gee, you think?

As a former binge eater, I can tell you that a lot of the binge triggers have to do with stress, carb addiction, and – a really low sense of self-worth. Why should I take care of myself, my body, if I’m fat and therefore worthless?

I really want the way we talk about bodies to change, because this shit is really counterproductive. Self-hate sells a lot of diet products, make-up and hand lotion, but it pretty much kills you in the quality of life department..

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Too Rich for My Blood

So, I walked out of a grocery store yesterday without buying any groceries. For the first time in my life, I walked out of a grocery store because it was too expensive.

On the way to the Trader Joe’s that I usually go to when Jenn’s out of town (when she’s here, she drives us over to a different one. I, however, am carless, so I ride the train and take a long walk while carrying a big backpack), I noted that there was a Whole Foods. Since the Best Buy I was visiting was right next to the Whole Foods, I figured I’d pop inside the Whole Foods and save myself the three or four extra blocks to Trader Joe’s. I figured shopping somewhere else would be a nice change.

Now, I knew Whole Foods was pricer that TJ’s, but… I didn’t realize just how much more pricy it was until I got to the substantial cheese section (oh! A substantial cheese section! I was so happy!)

It was an amazing cheese section. I recognized several chunks of Spanish cheeses – David sent me a great selection of these a couple months ago, and they were damn good, so I figured I’d pick up a couple more. I selected a hunk and turned it over.

It costs $13.99.

It’s a testament to just how damn good that cheese was that I did actually consider buying it.

But I put it back.

The next one?

$10.99

For a hunk of cheese.

Well, I thought, screw that, I’ll just get my regular mozzarella and go home.

Mozzarella?

$8.49. And it was half the size of what I usually get at TJ’s.

It’s $3.49 at TJ’s.

And, it occured to me, standing there in the cheese aisle, that I was going to spend 2-3 times what I usually spend on groceries this week if I continued shopping. I have thousands of dollars in medical bills that I still owe. I’ve been working my ass off to get my finances together this year, after three years of angsting about it. I want to be able to move next year, and that’s only going to happen if I stop being an idiot.

I went back through the store, replaced everything to their proper shelves, and walked to Trader Joe’s.

It was a strange feeling, to empty a cart and leave the store because it was too expensive. It felt vaguely humiliating. I feel like I’ve worked really hard so that I can afford to go out, to live well, and the idea that I had to walk out of a *grocery* store of all things because it was too rich for me was just disconcerting.

At the same time, I can’t afford to pay $13.49 for cheese.

Someday, maybe.

Not today.

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I Went to the Gym Today

And I didn’t die.

Yay me.

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Security, Security, Security

You know, I have some things vital to my own security, myself.

Like, say… insulin. Which I’m not sure how I’m supposed to prove is insulin. Will I have to shoot up right there at the security checkpoint?

Insulin can’t get stowed in a cargo hold. It will freeze and die. And then I’ll die.

And that will be bad.

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Personally, I Always Felt a 4-6 Hour Workday Was Ideal…

I screw off the other half the day as much as possible. Sometimes, like now, I screw off all day. And boy, do I feel better!

Anyway, work is bad for you.

(via punkassblog)

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12 Helpful Suggestions for Men Regarding Conduct in Feminist Spaces

I haven’t had any trouble with the men who comment here, but I know some feminist bloggers do… So if you’re a guy who’s interested in posting there or here but a little nervous about it, here’s some tips.

(via LJ Feminist Forum)

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Things I’m Not Doing Right Now

1) Reading My Antonia

2) Finishing God’s War

3) Working out

4) Learning how to belly dance

5) Boxing

6) Balancing my checkbook

7) Paying medical bills

Printing out a new, freshly rewritten copy of tDW

9) Writing a TipTree Award-winning short story

10) Writing email

11) Visualizing myself fitting back into all my old clothes

12) Fitting into all my old clothes

13) Getting a motorcylce lisence

14) Traveling through Belize

15) Sleeping in an airport in London

16) Teaching myself Arabic

17) Flirting with a cabana boy named Enrique

18) Drinking one of those fruity drinks with the umbrella

19) Eating cheese fries

20) Plotting to overthrow the world

What I AM Doing Right Now:

1) Finishing the last six pages of No God But God

2) Eating a nice chunk of low carb, low sugar chocolate

3) Contemplating World Peace

4) Reading “Finisterra”

5) Plotting the contents of two care packages to various friends

6) Wondering why Diet Dr. Pepper tastes so much like Real Dr. Pepper, and if Dr. Pepper can make diet taste like regular, how come no other cola flavors do?

7) Starting to get sick on the chocolate

Recharging my iPod

9) Coming up with witty dialogue for God’s War

10) Reminding myself that I’m naturally this size, and the unnatural size was the size I was when I was slowly dying of diabetes

11) Being happy I’m not dying of diabetes (at least, not right away)

12) Putting my old transcripts together so I can sign up for a French class at Truman College in the spring

13) Wondering how long it’s going to take me to get back to yoga

14) Admiring my new 0% interest on transferred balances credit card that just saved me from paying 29% interest on the same $1500 I’ve owed since the last time I went to Europe

15) Planning a trip to Spain

16) Pretending I’m brilliant

17) Savoring the last of that chocoloate

18) Reminding myself that life doesn’t start tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year; life just is

19) So really, I should enjoy it

20) Getting back to it

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When the LORD Attacks!

For all those who’ve felt, like me, that you’ve been STRUCK BY LIGHTNING!

(thanks, Jenn!)

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These Are *Not* Short-Needle Syringes

I always worry when a pharmacist screws up and gives me something other than what I’ve asked for, even if it’s “just” a shorter-needle syringe.

It always makes me wonder: what else are they screwing up?

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