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10

Aug

2011

Cowboys and aliens… about what you would expect (with spoilers)

With a name like “Cowboys and Aliens” I should have expected that, yes, really, it would only feature cowboys and aliens, and the appearance of a female character with a gun did not make her a cowgirl, of course, but an alien (obviously. If you aren’t a cowboy you must be an alien).

But, whatever.

This movie was indeed exactly as it was advertised, which wouldn’t have been a bad thing. I mean, hey, cowboys and aliens! But… but… I don’t know what it is about Spielberg and trite storytelling (yes, I directly blame Spielberg for any  movie he executive produces, even if he didn’t write or direct it. I have a gooood feeling that it’s his preferences that often burble to the surface), but at some point he seems to have found The Formula, and now he is proceeding to beat us to death with it. This does not, luckily, detract from the visual/emotional experience of the story as your in it (I was engaged throughout the film), but it does start to bug you as you begin to notice and count the beats, and it’s especially aggrevating when you go to to postmortem posts like this and realize it didn’t all sit as well with you as you thought.

You figure out all the beats early on – all the characters who have spouses/loved ones taken by the aliens will, of course, join Our Hero in getting their loved ones back. The hero is haunted, of course, by the death of his wife, who was killed by aliens (before this, she is referred to as having been a whore – very explicit whore/martyr thing going on there, which annoyed me. Why did he like her to begin with? We never know). For a minute, I actually thought she’d been raped, to boot (which would have fit neatly with this lazy storytelling).

Yet for all that, Spielberg does this other thing that is mooshy-wooshy sentimental and yet, works. He makes you really care for the characters, despite  or because of the pat little plot and easy beats,  because that’s the other bit of the storytelling formula that works.

You wake up in a white room, or a desert, not knowing what’s happened to you, and slowly piecing together the narrative along with your protagonist. Classic and slightly tired SF trope, but it works. Your characters are achetypes, basically, from our Lone Wolf hero to the arrogant rich teen, the plucky young boy, the possible love interest/guide, a grizzled war vet with a heart of gold, and etc. etc. The acting here of Ford and Craig is terribly lovely, and Ford’s character in particular is given that perfect blend of character traits that makes you both hate him and sympathize with him (as with any good villain). Sadly, this often meant skimping on characterization of the supporting cast, which is why everybody else seems to have gotten only the vaguest handwave. The acting and cinematography and effects were so good, in fact, that it was often difficult for me to jive these sophisticated trappings with the rather unsophisticated story. They just did not go together. When are we going to allow our storytelling chops to match our mastery of the visual medium?

Yes, the movie gets points for the “we should all work together instead of fighting” angle, but even that felt terribly contrived. It’s like… it’s like watching a film made for 12 year old. Again. And again. And again. Which is fine. If you’re 12.

For my money, I did actually enjoy the alien tech, though the fact that they wanted gold was… weird. Another heavy-handed clunker of lazy writing, if you ask me. I wanted a whole lot more… non-laziness, I guess. We also get this avenging angel in the form of our only real female character, but  – even though she potentially has the most interesting story – she, too, is given short shrift so we can spend more time sympathizing with Harrison Ford.

Sometimes, I think, a movie is only big enough for so many big egos. Everybody wants their character to be the “star,” and what you often end up with is too much emphasis on the wrong people. I felt like that happened a lot here. I was learning a lot about the people who had the least invested in the story. Which was… weird. Or, would have been weird if one of them wasn’t Harrison Ford.

This isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy this movie. There were plenty of clichéd things it avoided – the crazy “bad guy” Indians being a big one – but the story was stuffed with too many people painted with far too broad of strokes. They weren’t people in the end, just archetypes (Ford got the closest to being somewhat rounded). Which is fine, I guess, but not what I was looking for.

The trouble is, I suppose, that now when anybody says, “Cowboys in space,” I think of Firefly.

And this was most certainly not that.

08

Aug

2011

INFIDEL ARC Giveaway Today (8/8) on Twitter!

Looking for a brand-spanking-new ARC filled with some of your favorite bloody assassins, government coups, city bombings, bug magic, boxing magicians, and mutant shapeshifters?

WHO ISN’T, REALLY?

Head on over to Twitter and RT this message to enter to win:  RT this message to enter to win an ARC of INFIDEL by @Kameronhurley

Winner drawn at 5pm EST. Good luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

—————-

The only thing worse than war is revolution. Especially when you’re already losing the war…

Nyx used to be a bel dame, a government-funded assassin with a talent for cutting off heads for cash. Now she’s babysitting diplomats to make ends meet and longing for the days when killing was a lot more honorable.

When Nyx’s former bel dame “sisters” lead a coup against the government that threatens to plunge the country into civil war, Nyx is tasked with bringing them in. The hunt takes Nyx and her inglorious team of mercenaries to one of the richest, most peaceful, and most contaminated places on the planet – a country wholly unprepared to host a battle waged by the world’s deadliest assassins.

In a rotten nation of sweet-tongued politicians, giant bugs, and renegade shape shifters, Nyx will forge unlikely allies and rekindle old acquaintances. And the bodies she leaves scattered across the continent this time… may include her own.

Because no matter where you go or how far you run in this world, one thing is certain: the bloody bel dames will find you.

————–

Check out the teaser trailer. Sound too sweet to leave it to chance?  Pre-order one today! Copies start shipping in early October.

05

Aug

2011

Apropo of….

03

Aug

2011

Hey, Look What I Have!

ARC giveaway starts next week!

Stay tuned….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

+1 to the ego shelf….

02

Aug

2011

On Creating Stuff, All Girl-Like and Shit

Challenging people online is relatively (relatively!) easy, but challenging people in person is much, much harder. Batgirl can tell you all about it.

I remember being at my first World Fantasy convention and seeing Daniel Abraham walk across the floor toward me and hold out his hand and I thought, “Oh sweet Jesus he’s totally going to bitch me out about that mixed review I gave A Shadow in Summer. Crap, are we going to get into some big argument about abortion?” But instead, of course, Daniel merely shook my hand and said he’d enjoyed and appreciated my thoughts on his book.

Exhale.

I actually stopped writing about books here for awhile after getting some angry author emails from folks who insisted my opinions of said books were wrong. Expletives were included. I just didn’t have the spoons to deal with it. So, for awhile…

…I just shut up.

This outspoken fan’s public criticism at ComicCon got me to thinking why it was I became a creator, and why it is the books and stories I write have veered sharply away from the mono-cultured pseudo European medieval folks and settings that are considered “more traditional” of the genre, despite the fact that traditional stuff sells so absurdly well.

When you’re not seeing the stories you want to read on the shelves, there are a few things you can do 1) Stop buying stories 2) Complain to the people writing stories that they should be writing something that doesn’t suck 3) Write your own stories

I’ve settled into doing some combination of all three, really. I buy a lot fewer books now, but the ones I do buy are the sorts of stories I actually want to read. I’ve stopped putting up with boring or offensive crap just to “give me something to read” and started actively looking beyond what’s on bookshelves for my media. Being connected to so many other writers now the last few years has been great – it means I often get a heads’ up on new, wonderful stuff coming down the pike. That said, I also make an effort to step outside my circles now and then and look for new people to follow – social networking has made it easy to step outside my comfort zone and find powerful new stuff.

Still, nobody writes a book the way… well, the way I would like to write a book. So I still have to write them. It’s a curse, really. You can only throw so many books across the room before you decide it’s time to write your own.

What you run into as you start becoming a creator, though, is that there are already a lot of people who enjoy working together, for whatever reason. They like stuff they’re comfortable with. It’s hard to step outside their comfort zone and actively look for new voices, new perspectives. We still have this strange assumption that if something is good, it will just bubble to the top. I have no idea why we still believe this when all the marketing folks are telling us we should write more books like Twilight and The DaVinci Code. Good stuff doesn’t always make it. In fact, there’s a lot of good stuff that simply gets lost in the screaming noise of the thousands upon thousands of books published each year. And if you can’t process everything, you have to hope that somebody else does the work for you. You rely on recommendations and a handful of thought leaders and influencers.

That’s a really small pool of people to rely on for new reading material.

If you really want to read new voices, discover new creators, and you know – walk the walk – you’re going to have to do more than sit on your hands and wait for your fraternity (or sorority, sure) buddies to send one of their buddies your way. Because I can guarantee you that if you just wait for your tiny group of homogeneous folks to forward things your way, you will end up reading, publishing, or green-lighting projects that are all incredibly homogeneous.

And when you create homogeneous stuff, it tells the rest of us that, in fact, WE should be writing homogeneous stuff too. Afterall, that’s what’s being published. I spent years trying to write stories in the style of the Marion Zimmer Bradley Sword and Sorceress stories, which I hated. Yes, I hated the stories but I kept trying to ape their style because obviously: that’s what sold.

This is the point at which you create a feedback loop. If you’re in charge of publishing and creating work, and you only publish certain people and certain styles, only those people, who tell only those kinds of stories, are going to respond. If you really want something more than that, you need to actively demonstrate to people that you’re promoting it.

I fight this all the time. I know exactly what the comfort zone is for science fiction and fantasy. I know exactly what “sells.” Writing blatantly feminist stories, I was told, was the fastest way to ensure that I’d never have a fiction career. Writing blatantly feminist stories that included a lot of swearing was doubly bad. Some people got upset when I posted a book trailer for God’s War that poked fun at Urban Fantasy cliches. But an equal number of people were just as exasperated with Urban Fantasy as I was –  those were the people the trailer was for (I got several emails from people who said they bought the book as a direct result of viewing that trailer).

Sometimes you have to push the line a little to break through the noise. And sometimes that may mean that you piss people off. If you’re like me and you were raised to just grin and bear it and not make waves, being bold enough to cut through the noise is going to be really, really hard.

And I’d bet that there are more women than men, still, who’ve been raised to just shut up and wait for someone to “discover” them. Someday your prince will whisk you away from your life of obscure drudgery and make you a princess, right? Don’t agents and publishers just do the same thing… show up and tell you you’re brilliant and whisk you away to J.K. Rowling fame?

No. They don’t. You have to write something good, yes, always the first step. But after that, the bulk of you getting anything noticed is up to you.

Now, let’s be clear – I know I’m not going to sell mighty gobs of books, but I’m with a small press, and we don’t have to sell 10,000 or 100,000 copies to make money. Megacorps like DC have to sell a lot. I get that. But it’s the small, quiet voices that will eventually change the homogeneous cloud. Publish enough of them, and you start to change the conversation. Among them, they will start to grow larger and larger audiences, and those influences will begin to creep into the mainstream. You’ll reinvent and reinvigorate the body of your work – whether that’s a comics line or a whole genre – by taking some risks. Eventually, those small voices will be the big voices, and then another new set of voices will come along and change the conversation again. That’s how things grow and change. That’s how they stay alive.

If you’re a creator, I know this sounds shitty. It sounds like you’ll never break out, like nobody will ever pay attention. It sounds like you should just write the same old shit. Here’s the thing, guys. Anybody can write the same old shit. It makes you interchangeable with everybody else out there and brings you fifty million steps closer to permanent unemployment or layoff-land. The only thing you have to sell is your unique vision of the world. Figure out the vision first, and worry about  how the hell you’re going to sell it to the monoculture later.

As Batgirl’s crusade illustrated, the big guys may not be paying attention, but their fans are, and at the end of the day, we pay the bills. We just need to be more vocal about what we want… and fully participate in the conversation with the work we produce…

…even if we have to claw, scream, or rant our way through the noise.

It’s not easy. It’s not fun. It’s full of sexist crap. But every time one of us is quiet, or gives up, or bows down because we’re booed at a panel, we extinguish a valuable voice with the potential power to change the conversation.

Speaking up is worth a few boos, a few spoons, and some angry email from the Internet.

It certainly has been for me.

01

Aug

2011

INFIDEL Teaser Trailer Now Live!

This one was a lot of fun, as you might imagine. Full trailer set to be launched 8/22 – but here’s the first taste of what’s to come…

28

Jul

2011

When You’re Going Through Hell… Keep Going

I was never a fit kid. I started this blog in part to talk about my path toward some semblance of fitness after a sedentary period in South Africa spent sparring with cockroaches, drinking too much red wine, smoking too many cigarettes, and binge eating (a default I have fought long and hard to overcome).

Moving to Chicago inspired me to get back to the low-carb living and 90-120 minute workout days of life in Fairbanks (where there was very little to do outside the rec center in the winter). I took some boxing and mixed martial arts classes in Chicago, and started jogging (slowly and painfully, but jogging nonetheless). That little taste of physical power took a nosedive after I got sick, and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I could and couldn’t do anymore, or – more accurately – figured out how I had to manage my shots and snacks to make the best of a bad situation.

I kept up a more-or-less reasonable fitness routine from then on, and figured out a comfortable weight for myself that was both manageable and still intimidating. In December of last year, that all changed again.

I was biking 20 minutes to work every morning in North Dayton. As December deepened, so did the snow and ice, and eventually, it became too risky to navigate the roads with my current gear. Erase 40 minutes of exercise from my daily routine.

Then I started getting tired and exhausted as winter descended, and started sleeping in, effectively skipping my am 25 minute workouts on top of that. It meant going from working out over an hour a day to… nothing - in about four weeks. To add insult to injury, I ended up having to have some minor surgery in January and again in March. Both times, I wasn’t supposed to lift more than 20 lbs over my head for two weeks. By this time, I still wasn’t biking to work and I was having a lot of trouble getting into my clothes. Add to that some stress over a job transition and the full marketing onslaught and newbie terror of my first book launching February 1st (with exhausting marketing efforts on my part from December to March), and by all accounts, I was a physical wreck.

Now, here’s this thing about me. I’m one of those people who charges on through stuff. It wasn’t like any of this was horrible stuff – in fact, the book and job stuff were actually stresses that would lead to great things. But they were still things that needed to be managed. They were things that needed spoons.

And I was in short supply.

There were a lot of stop-starts in trying to get back on the fitness wagon. I’d get up early again a few days a week and work out… then stop. I’d work out a day or two after I got home… then stop. My A1c went from 6.2 to 6.5 to 7.0.

It was the 7.0 that made my blood run a little cold (it’s recommended that all diabetics – t1 and t2 – keep their A1c under 7.0 in order to prevent stuff like going blind and having your feet chopped off). I finally stepped on the scale, and realized that I was now back to my South Africa binge-eating, cockroach-swatting weight, and knew something had to change.

So it was back to severe low carb eating, this time with a cheat day once a week in an attempt to avoid the “starvation” mode that severe low carb eating can trigger. I lost weight pretty quickly initially, and my blood sugar levels evened right out. Being a little lighter, it seemed like a great time to get back into the morning workout, and for the last three weeks, I’ve consistently logged in first 15 minutes, then 20 minutes, every morning of cardio and strength training. I’ve put on weight since doing that, which is frustrating, and it’s taken every ounce of will I have to remind myself that I’m in this for the fitness and the sugar numbers, not the end number on a scale.

This morning, week four, I finally graduated back up to my 20 lb weights instead of the 10lb-ers. I’m also back at the gym at work for 20 minutes on the bike. It’s not replacing those missing 40 minutes yet (my new job is a 90 minute bike ride from my house instead of a 20 minute one. Maybe next summer!), but it’s a start.

One of the things that always frustrates me about fitness is that it’s not something you learn and then don’t have to learn again, like 5+5=10. You learn that and you know it. Forgetting that will be tough. But once you’re fit, you don’t stay that way just because you achieved it once. It’s something you have to achieve again and again and again. Off the wagon. Back on the wagon. It’s intensely frustrating, and often demoralizing.

Life has hit me in the head with a shovel a couple of times now, as far as control of my physical body goes, and the first thing that stumbles when I go down is my fitness. I have to work so hard to keep it, harder than anything else in my life – harder than the fiction writing, the day job, my relationships -  because it just doesn’t come naturally. It was never part of my experience growing up (I didn’t start getting interested in actual fitness aside from “God, I have to go on a diet or no one will love me” until I was 19, and I didn’t acquire the mindset of “Wow, the end goal of fitness isn’t weight loss, it’s making me strong and powerful!” until I was living in Chicago in my mid-twenties).

The hardest part of getting back into it? Not hating myself. Because that’s always my greatest hurdle, my biggest enemy. The hatred I have for myself for falling off, no matter what the circumstances. I could get hit by a literal truck, and I’d still blame myself for not being able to fit into my favorite shirt anymore.

The best way I’ve found to cope is the same way I’ve coped with those getting-hit-on-the-head things: the layoffs, the illness, the eviction from back in the day, all of it – you’ll get through it. It will get better. This is a transitory place. Every day you’re breathing is another day you have to completely change your circumstances. Fuck knows it’s hard sometimes. It often seems impossible. But it’s what I have.

And the alternative is to give up.

But when you give up, you may as well be dead. I tried that once. It wasn’t any fun. I don’t recommend it.

So I keep getting knocked down.

And getting up.

And getting up.

And getting up.

That’s the secret to succeeding at anything, you guys. Getting up.

Lots of other people don’t.

27

Jul

2011

On the Internet, No One Knows You’re a Dog

When I first started getting online (“online” meaning “logging into AOL”) in 1994, there were some pretty basic Internet Safety Rules for teens, but really, they were applicable to anyone who didn’t want to get Eaten by Actual Trolls.

1) Never give out your personal information to strangers

2) Don’t post any sexy pictures of yourself that you don’t want getting posted to porn sites

3)The person you’re corresponding with may not be who they seem to be. In fact, the person you’re corresponding with is most likely a 47 year old guy

This was BASIC internet stuff back then.

See, the world was not all Facebookery oversharing grow-your-personal-brand. The Internet was a place to go to be somebody else. You could be some fat dorky kid and no one knew it. Though, of course, there were so comparatively few people online then that most of us were, in fact, dorky kids using the internet forums as text-based RPG’s, whether we were pretending to be vampires or tavern brawlers or jocks or teen girls. Of course, a good many of those were also old dudes pretending to be angsty teenagers. Or acting like them.

I never told anybody I was a 15 year old kid. In fact, for six or eight months, I corresponded with folks on a message board as a 19 year old guy. I found that it gave me the confidence to say things and join discussions that I otherwise wouldn’t have joined. This stopped when I ditched my boyfriend at the time and finally gained some of my own confidence. But for a while, it was a wonderful escape from the real world. It was fun to be somebody else. And it helped me develop a voice. It was like an extension of my fiction writing, all grown up for the interwebs.

But. Well. The internet has changed. Expectations have changed. Diary-keepers have become bloggers. Bloggers have become “journalists” (a term I use loosely these days). And everybody’s online – not just the dorky kids and the 47 year old pervs – but everybody from your grandmother to your 6 year old niece to your ex-boss to your new girlfriend. More diverse people means the landscape has changed. The culture has changed, and now we expect “truth.”  Absolute truth. And we approach every single blogger we encounter now as if they were an actual journalist.

In fact, most of us are closer to James Frey than Christina Amanpour. What we do and do not choose to record and the way in which we record it doesn’t even try to be objective. My background is in history, and when you major in history, you have to take this class that is basically about how to judge the actual writers of history. How to pull apart their arguments to try and glean facts out of their subjective accounts – because, of course, there are few things so obviously subjective as history: the selection of what to record and what not to record is always at the victor’s whim. Every single one of us has a worldview that’s shaped by our own biases and experiences, and the biases and cultural norms of our time.

We are not out here writing objective truth.

The trouble is, we’re trying to teach people to read it that way on the Internet. And though that is a fun idea, it’s terribly dangerous.

People who are still reading the Internet like it’s Objective Truth from say, a 19-year-old college freshman guy who says he loves SF/F or a Syrian-American lesbian… are going to be endlessly betrayed and dissapointed. And by forcing social networks to conform to some hazy agreed-upon “truth” about who we are, what our identities are, we’re just continuing to offer folks a false sense of “truth.”

So now there’s a generation of young internety folks running social networks like Google+ and going, “Hey guys, enough is enough. The only people using pseudonyms are creepy guys pretending to by Syrian lesbians and RPG’ers, and the first sure isn’t kosher and the second can go find some appropriate place to enact their tavern-brawling fantasies.”

Trouble is, of course, the Internet is a big place, and it’s full of scary, crazy people. Many of them even folks who use their own names and post their own manifestos before they go on a shooting spree (for all the good that did in helping those incidents get prevented). Stalking is infinitely easier now, as are scams, hoaxes, identity theft… the list goes on. And about all you have to protect yourself from the Crazy is to use the same tactics as the “bad guys.” You obscure your actual identity.  And if you’re a woman active online, I’ll be the first to tell you that you can expect a lot of creepy sexual threats, particularly if you’re opinionated, pretty, or ugly (or some combination).  So it does behoove you, often, to find some kind of protection that allows you to speak your mind without getting creepy death threats. Those few months pretending I was a guy online did wonders for the way I was able to express myself (and deal with hate mail) later on. Forcing people to conform to an identify online might sound like it’s the safest thing – but in fact, it’s incredibly limiting and inspires a lot of lazy reading.

So why – if the Crazies posting under their real identity are no more or less of a threat if they did it under a pseudonym– is it so terrible to let normal people inhabit the Internet under whatever the hell name they want? Why is this something that needs to be regulated, like we’re all signing up for drivers’ licenses?

I may have a love of truth, but I’m not a journalist (I was going to major in broadcast journalism, but ditched that major after a semester and became a history major instead when I realized that journalism wasn’t about objective truth – it was about selling ads).  The Internet is not a place of Facts. It’s a web of opinions, drivel, spite, rants, diatribes, politics, and seething idiocy. Your job is to figure out which is which. Congratulations!

The push to make it into a Fact-Based Truth Center is admirable, but… and here’s the big “but”:

I write fiction. Why do I write fiction? Because it lets me explore actual truths by putting people and societies into different places, under different circumstances, and running an experiment about how it all plays out. It tells me a lot about what I think, how I understand the world, and often challenges my understanding of the world.

When, like Tiptree, you walk out into the world under the guise of someone else, it’s going to tell you a lot about yourself, too – and tell the people you’re interacting with a lot about themselves and their own prejudices during the reveal as well (I believe it was Silverburg who had the famous quote about how there was absolutely, positively no may Tiptree was a woman because “his” prose was so “masculine”).

At some point we need to learn how to read critically. We can’t rely on Google to do it for us. The protection of individuals who could lose jobs, family, or even risk death or dismemberment far outweighs, to me, everybody getting taken in by some fake Syrian blogger. The Internet may be a scary place, but it’s stuffed full of all the tools you need to figure out what’s reliable and what’s not. It’s an incredible tool for teaching people how to critically examine information. Every time my mother forwards me another crazy crackpot “beware, woman!” story, I immediately go to snopes.com and check it out. When I start posting links to photoshopped videos like they’re true things, it only takes about half an hour before somebody points out that it’s not real. The seething masses are not just great for taking stuff viral – they’re also great for debunking it.

Communities police themselves. If somebody’s talking shit, it’ll come out eventually, and when it does, it will challenge all of us as to why we were pulled in in the first place, and understand how it tapped into some of our own fears and biases. It will challenge us to read more critically next time.

Will there always just be crazy shrews using anonymity for ill? Sure. But do we destroy the safety anonymity gives others because we feel stupid that we get reeled in by fake bloggers? There’s a big difference between saying, “Hey, I use this pseudonym to protect myself” and “Hey, I really am a winged tiger named snuggles!”  (and really, who are we to say somebody can’t be a winged tiger named snuggles? Who is this hurting?)

Those of us who grew up with LJ handles and AOL nicknames are having a hard time stomaching the new school of “your name is your brand.” It provides a veneer of comfort to regular, non-internet savvy folks who think it’s going to eliminate all the Scary Things that Could Possibly Happen on the Internet. The trouble is, the focus on “well, only real names are used here!” brings false comfort to folks. Just because it sounds like a real name doesn’t mean it is, and we’re looking to train up a new generation of folks without the Three Golden Rules of the Internet. In fact, we’re telling people to overshare. That oversharing makes you trustworthy.

Instead of teaching people how to read critically and assume that nobody is who they seem to be until proved otherwise, we’re invited to be a completely open and unrestrained internet culture. That sounds nice on paper, but when was the last time you met somebody in line at a restaurant and immediately gave them your home address, phone number, and top three places you hang out on Saturday nights?  Particularly if you’re a woman?

I’m happy that folks feel free enough on the internet that they’re demanding we only use our “real” names. That’s nice for them. The trouble is, it comes from a happy utopian place where nobody shoots up a summer camp or blows up a building. I still live in a world where women are blamed for being raped or assaulted because of what they were wearing or for using their real name on a dating profile.

I like the idea of changing the world by acting like that world is already here. The problem is, for many of us, living that world before the world has actually changed can come at a very high cost.

26

Jul

2011

NO HERO: Brain squid, explosions, and yes – chicks with swords

I don’t even know why I started reading this book. My publisher sent it along with a stack of others I had requested, and I couldn’t figure out why. I took one look at the cover and made a terrible face.

 “What the hell is this?” I said.

My husband, J, grabbed the book out of my hands and said, “This is AWESOME!”

I winced. “That cover is terrible.”

“Kameron, this is an AWESOME cover! Look at the tentacles! And this woman with a sword. And her flannel shirt! And this woman doing something on a computer. TENTACLES! Also, this dude with glasses, doing magical nerdy stuff, and this guy, with this gun, and wow! DID I MENTION THE TENTACLES? This cover is PERFECT. I really want to read this book.”

I was speechless. “You want to… read this book?”

He handed it back. “Oh yeah. Plus, the way the cover is laid out is a total riff on the poster for Big Trouble in Little China, so you know it will be good.”

I peered at the cover again, dubious. It occurred to me that this was just going to be one of those books that wasn’t marketed to me, but as per J’s reaction, it was most certainly highly targeted to folks like him… folks with a much finer sense of geeky culture. 

But after throwing yet another promising-but-disappointing fantasy novel down, I went ahead and picked up NO HERO from my pile, just for kicks. Because, you know, the title is NO HERO. And I like that. People who aren’t heroes. So, hey. Worse case, I get a few pages in and chuck it off to Goodwill like I’ve been doing with so many books lately.

So I started reading this book. And, you know, it was exactly what it promised to be: Brain squid. Explosions. Socially awkward people. The end of the world.

The further I got into the book, the more I wondered why I kept reading, and the more I kept reading. For a book that’s also kind of a an anti-Urban Fantasy Noir a la Dresden Files but with a non-magical protagonist and underfunded government operation populated by a surprising number of women for this type of book, it was… awfully entertaining.

There is plenty to like here – the brain squid and explosions, the sort of broken and partially magical (but mostly not) characters, the big boss fights with animated Things and aforementioned brain squid and giant mutated monsters and, of course, my favorite – emotionally messed up women chopping off heads with swords.

The reason I couldn’t believe I kept reading this is because there’s also quite a few quibbles that will drive you nuts if you think about them too long. It’s a first novel, and it shows, with some dropped plot threads and lazy ways to avoid conflict (MINOR SPOILER: if there’s a guy with a girlfriend who wants to get it on with another woman on the team, there are more… well, not more interesting ways, but certainly more ways rife with conflict than to simply have him inhabit another body. You’re robbing us of some tension, there).

When it comes to the women in this book, I kept jumping at things that I was ready to gnash my teeth at. The protagonist is a police detective with a thing for his subordinate (of course), whose primary distinguishing and appealing characteristic appears to be that she is blond. (SPOILERS AHEAD) Her reward for being a possible love interest is, of course, getting killed by the bad guys to make the male protagonist suffer. When this happened, I threw up my hands and snarled because honestly, no wonder she wasn’t really fleshed out – she was just there to serve as a character motivation; she wasn’t a character in her own right. Just to prove how non-important she was, the protagonist starts moving in on HIS boss soon after.

But to dwell on that particular lazy outrage would be like saying that The Windup Girl was a horrible book because it had one female character who was, in essence, a sex slave. Yes, stereotypes suck, but here’s what makes them suck less – if you really, absolutely, HAVE TO HAVE your male protagonist’s love interest die horribly to serve the plot, then you had BETTER have more female characters that JUST THAT ONE. If she’s the only one, you FAIL.

And this is why I didn’t hate this book. Or throw it across the room. Because brain squid and chopping off heads or no, if you tell me my only role in your book is to serve as a character motivation, I’m done.

NO HERO doesn’t do that.

Instead, there’s a diverse hodgepodge of female characters. Yes, I have my own issues with each of them, but they were THERE. And that’s the first step. Baby steps, people.

The protagonist’s boss – the head of a… well, not elite, but let’s say “special” team of folks dedicated to going after these inter-dimensional brain squid – is a woman (also, a love interest. But let’s hand wave that for now. I guess that was to make up for the blond? Whatever. She, at least, has purpose. OK, well, she gave up a lot of her power to the protagonist, who she felt was supposed to save them, and was suddenly relying on his opinions a lot, though even he wasn’t so sure why he was supposedly qualified for this job. Urg. See, you can’t think about it too much). Then there’s the research guru, a smack-talking goth (really, that’s how I pictured her) named Tabitha, who, OK, also ends up a little smitten with another guy on the team. ::sigh:: OK, but then there is Kayla, the chick with the sword. She chops off heads to kill brain squid, and has superfast killing abilities. OK, yes, she is motivated to protect two children she saved from brain squid, but… OK, OK, there are some issues, I admit, which is why I felt so damn guilty reading this book. Don’t get me started on the succubus.  But there are, in fact, women in this book. With opinions and abilities. And nobody gets raped! It could have been much, much worse.

And yet, for all that – I kept reading this book. Why? Because I was engaged with the protagonist and his ragtag band of fellows and the mutant brain squid more than I was annoyed by the stereotypes (in fact, these female characters were just at the cusp of being awesome. It wasn’t until I sat down and started thinking about all of their motivations and relationships that things started to truly unravel). And at the end of the day, the book fulfills the title’s promise – the protagonist is not really a hero, and (MORE SPOILERS) he doesn’t even save the day the way he’s supposed to. A child still dies, but it’s her sister who saves the day, not the protagonist. And that, right there, may have been the big redemption for me in this book. There was, indeed, at least one female character who wasn’t primarily a love interest, or motivated my maternal instict, and gained instead of gave up power.

Now, when I write up mixed-bag rants like this one, I need folks to understand – if I really hate a book, I don’t finish it. And I certainly don’t write about it. But if something bugs me about a book, I’m going to talk about it. It’s not often that I finish a book without wanting to throw it across the room at some point (Mechanique and The Cloud Roads are the only ones I’ve read recently that are pretty near perfect, and I’ll be posting about The Cloud Roads later).  What I found the most fascinating about this one is that despite my annoyance (and the obvious fact that this was NOT a book targeted at somebody like me), this really was a fun little ride, and a big change of pace from what I’d been reading.

So if you like brain squid, and chicks with swords, and lots of shit blowing up, and you totally “get” this cover – and if you can forgive some cringe-worthy moments of annoyance – this is a crunchy little popcorn book.

25

Jul

2011

“This is not my beautiful house…”

 

 

I was raised by hard-working parents, the sort who worked fast food jobs during my early years – nights, weekends, holidays – and a grandmother who grew up in Nazi-occupied France. For some reason, this upbringing more or less resulted in me never expecting good things to last. Good things could certainly come as a result of hard work, but they would never last. And if you sat around taking them for granted, then it was just as good as asking somebody to kick you in the face. Bad times were certain the minute you started to enjoy the good stuff.

I spent much of my adolescence in mild depression and some dorky social paranoia, the sort that encourages folks to write, say, fiction. Obsessively. All the time. Because it’s a lot more fun to create worlds you can control and explore themes you’re interested in on the page than to deal with the emotional fallout of arguing with folks face to face. People at length tend to exhaust me – I spend an inordinate amount of time trying not to look like a total fool, and alternately not looking at them to ensure that I speak my mind even if I know I’m saying something upsetting and trying to maintain eye contact so they know I am actually engaged, just employing the tactic that has enabled me to stop being either a doormat or a frustrated emotional lunatic in equal measures.

What I’m getting at in the most roundabout way possible is that, though most of my life has been good, I’m never comfortable with goodness. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. The only time I let it all go was when I was living in Alaska, far from everyone and everything I knew, and I was able to simply, well, live, without thinking about the consequences or what anyone else thought about my decisions. I wasn’t afraid to be successful. Or fail. It wouldn’t matter. I was all on my own. For the first time in my life, there was nobody to let down.

Life after that was a succession of temp agencies, jobs, layoffs, and more jobs. Even when I’d stay somewhere a whopping three years, I spent every one of those years expecting to get laid off. Expecting the good thing not to last. This ended up turning into a self-fulfilling prophecy, of course. On a long enough timeline, everything ends. All you have to control is how you spend the time while it lasts.

And simply obsessing over the end isn’t going to help anything.

I’ve had some remarkably good luck the last couple of years. Some of that, I know, is because I’ve spent a great deal of time invested in getting my shit together. Some of that is sheer luck. Some of it is because I have great people in my life. And some of it is due to the choices I made. It’s always a hodge-podge.

I live in Ohio, one of the most depressed states in the nation. When I came out here from Chicago to squat in a friend’s spare bedroom, it was because the only place worse I could think of was to go skulking back home to my parents’ place at 27 years old.

How mortifying for somebody who thought they were a grown-up with all their shit together.

So instead I ended up in the ass-end of Dayton, a dead manufacturing town, with one of the worst unemployment and foreclosure rates in the country.

There should have been nothing good about coming here.

After a few temp assignments, though, I had a reasonably OK paying job with – better yet – amazing health benefits within about six months. As somebody who spends $500 and up a month on drugs just to keep me breathing, this was a big deal. I still have no idea how that happened. I was at the Dayton airport, just getting back from Wiscon, when I got a call from my recruiter asking if I could write up a sample RFP (request for proposal). I did so, and got pulled into an interview a few days later. They called me back the same day and offered me a temp job as a technical writer. Three months after that, I became a full-time employee.

But it wasn’t actually the job that got me out of squatting at my friends’ place. I had an amazing number of credit card debts from multiple moves, piles of student loan debt, and mountains of unpaid medical bills (even throwing everything I had toward COBRA, further wracking up the credit card debt, I was still uninsured for nearly 40 days between my Chicago layoff and my new job in Dayton – 20 days shy of the “Too the fuck bad for you, now you have a pre-existing condition and no one will ever cover you!” window. And let me tell you, trying to buy the drugs that are necessary for me to live at full cost while working temp jobs will quickly make you homeless). What finally pulled me out of the pit was selling the God’s War trilogy the first time.

When that big check arrived, it was like getting some kind of new lease on life. It was like, well, hope. The light at the end of a long road of madness and drudgery that had gotten me to that point.

I moved out into an apartment on my own, furnished the whole place, payed off outstanding medical debt and much of my credit card debt, and settled in to build a life again.

Getting that book sale after well over a decade of writing and submitting fiction was the final payoff to what I felt was a really long road.

Things haven’t been shitty since then.

In fact, things started to get progressively better, until one day here I was with a partner I certainly don’t deserve, two dogs who I’m sure could be worse, and a three bedroom, three bath historic house on 1/3rd acre that I basically paid peanuts for (want to know the one good thing about Dayton? That house, in the pic above, listed at $89k. No joke). And let’s not even talk about how I have a great day job that pays me to write for a living (plus health benefits) and my second novel due in October.

After much angsting about Dayton, I found out that it’s actually not so bad a place once you know where to look. I discovered the farmers’ market, the summer festivals, the cool new eateries, and met some fantastic folks at the regular Pecha Kucha gatherings.

In the early days, it felt like exile out here. Now it feels like my own little bubble of “get the fuck off my lawn” in the middle of nowhere, someplace no one would ever come. Some place I can create my own little compound and pretend the bad stuff isn’t out there.

I was out watering my little hippie garden the other day and let myself stop near the porch and look up at the house – and for a few moments, I allowed myself to love it. All of it. To marvel at the impossible life I had after so much raging bullshit. It’s hard, sometimes, so appreciate it. I keep expecting to lose it. I keep expecting something terrible to happen.

Sometimes, I still get myself worked up over stuff. I’m suddenly convinced the sky is falling and there is some disaster – the river will flood, the tornado will hit our house, I’ll lose my job, my dogs will run away, the cars will both break down, what if I’m pregnant! what if there’s some mix up with my drugs! god, I’m almost out of syringes and what if I’m stranded in –

And then, eventually, I tamp myself back down from the hysteria (really, the PTSD) and stop crying in the bathroom and sit out on the porch and take some deep breaths, and then everything’s OK again.

I have a deep fear of both appreciating what I have – and therefore inviting disaster – and not appreciating it enough – and therefore missing out on the experience of all this great stuff.

And maybe that’s some of the trouble, there. I spent so long learning how to work hard, how to work toward getting what I wanted, that I never stopped to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do with myself once I DID get what I wanted. I spend far more time angsting about what needs doing NEXT instead of sitting on the porch drinking beer and enjoying the view.

I need to learn how to live with myself in silence, but then, that’s never been something I’ve been all that great at, even when my life was crappy. Especially then. That’s what the writing was for – to fill the silence. Now I fill it with to-do lists and gardening… and the rest of the time, well, to be honest… the rest of the time everything is just… quiet. The raging, screaming hatred is quiet, because I almost died once, and realized what a waste of all that time was, to hate myself.

I’m in a weird limbo place, I know. Some kind of crossing between one type of life and another, and it’s a strange place to be. I don’t know what to do with myself, or who I’ll be on the other side of it.

 

DISCLAIMER

This is my personal website, which means that all opinions expressed here are solely, completely, and absolutely my own, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any past, present, or future employer, nor any of my business partners, contacts, or associates.




"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship."
— Louisa May Alcott



"No person is your friend who demands your silence."
— Alice Walker



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"The vote means nothing to women. We should be armed."
— Edna O'Brien



"The dogma of woman's complete historical subjection to men must be rated as one of the most fantastic myths ever created by the human mind."
— Mary Ritter Beard



"They sicken of the calm that know the storm."
— Dorothy Parker



"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine."
— Rita Rudner



"Adventure is worthwhile in itself."
— Amelia Earhart



"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
— Grace Hansen



"I never realized until lately that women were supposed to be the inferior sex."
— Katharine Hepburn


"Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow talent to the dark place where it leads."
— Erica Jong


"I have always had a dread of becoming a passenger in life."
— Margareth II, Queen of Denmark


"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing."
— Dorothy Parker


"You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you."
— Mary Tyler Moore


"Life shrinks or expands in proportionto one's courage."
— Anais Nin


"No more tears now; I will think about revenge."
— Mary, Queen of Scots


"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
 — Eleanor Roosevelt


"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
— Muriel Strode


"People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute."
— Rebecca West


"If you're going to hold someone down you're going to have to hold on by the other end of the chain. You are confined by your own repression."
— Toni Morrison


"It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees."
— Delores Ibarruri


"Study as if you were going to live forever; live as if you were going to die tomorrow."
— Maria Mitchell


"This is the precept by which I have lived: Prepare for the worst; expect the best; and take what comes."
— Hannah Arendt


"If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it."
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"I have no regrets. I wouldn't have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say."
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"We know that we can do what men can do, but we still don't know that men can do what
women can do. That's absolutely crucial. We can't go on doing two jobs."
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"I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman."
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"I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body."
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"Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, 'She doesn't have what it takes.' They will say, 'Women don't have what it takes.'"
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"Soon they'll be telling you you can't be Batman, Shakespeare, President, or God. Little fat baby, going on schoolgirl, you can be anyone, but it won't be easy."
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"My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who work and those
who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was less competition there."
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