Dear Santa:

I know it is quite early to be thinking of Christmas, dearest Santa Claus, but I’ve been lusting for many things for the last two years that I don’t seem to know how to aquire for myself.

I suppose I have not recieved them as yet because I’m not a very good girl, but you know, I haven’t gotten any coal, switches, or rocks either, so it’s not that I’m bad.

Perhaps you have just forgotten me. After all, my address has changed many times and I’ve switched continents twice! So I am writing this letter to remind you that Brutal Women have needs, too.

Please send me:

1) A flat-screen monitor.

This makes writing and computer game playing very good, as my laptop has the smallest screen ever. I promise that I will solve Myst III: Revelation if you send this to me.

2) Wireless mouse and keyboard. I saw this at Costco for like $39.99

3) A free standing punching bag.

Because you know all the fun I’ll git up to with that.

4) I also have a Wish List, because I am shameless.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Wishes,

Kameron Hurley

P.S. It sucks being old. I should get some compensation for no longer getting presents. Like superpowers. I should be able to fly, or some shit like that.

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