Yesterday, Nell and I discovered that someone has been stealing the handsoap bottles in the kitchen and in the coffee bar behind our reception desk at work (yes, we have a coffee bar behind the reception desk). Now we’re missing a huge jug of Jergens lotion.

We have no idea who’s doing this, or why they need that much handsoap. Or that much lotion.

In any case, it’s not like it’s a big deal. The head guy in the office upstairs made $238 million last year.

It might sound really exciting to have a plasma TV in the reception area you’re working in, but believe me, 24 hours of CNN is really mind-numbing when the day’s biggest stories are who gets to bury Anna Nicole Smith and Is Britney’s Haircut Prelude to a Stint in Rehab? (the answer is yes, apparently). These are the sorts of things no reasonable human being really needs to know. And yet.

I figure if things get real dull we can always spice it up by ordering condoms for the bathrooms and renting out the conference rooms by the hour.

We’ll need to order more lotion.

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