Was clicking through some shows tonight while finishing up my Greek yogurt, and happened upon Dr. 90210, in which a porn star was having her third breast augmentation surgery because the first two had been screwed up.

While the doctor pressed and cupped these enormous bubble breasts protruding from her tube-shaped boyish body, he said, “See, by tightening up this here they’ll look much more natural, but still sexy.”

That’s right, ladies, this doctor is so talented he can make unnatural breasts look natural… but still sexy. Newsflash: unnatural breasts are the only kind we’re supposed to find attractive anymore.

When she came out from under the anathestic, she contorted her face into a grimace of pain and began to sob because it hurt so much.

Please stop doing this to yourselves.

If this is the future, I want my money back.

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