Man, I’m an overanxious freak every time I’m due for a doctor’s appointment.

Turns out I have not, in fact, gained any weight since starting the pump. In fact, I’ve lost two pounds. And my a1c is 6.1, which she says is a pretty incredible a1c for somebody who just started on a pump (for those keeping track: the target a1c for a diabetic is less than 7.0. A non-diabetic a1c is 6.0 or less). My blood pressure, as usual, is great, reflexes all great, etc. etc. And my doc didn’t yell at me for anything (I think my first experience with a diabetes doctor in Chicago has just scarred me for life. Why do I always expect to be yelled at and told I’m doing things wrong when I’m, like, a model t1 diabetic?)

Why do I freak out right before every appointment?

You know one of the big reasons I’m not good at math or budgeting? Because I don’t believe in it. I don’t believe that’s it’s an unshakable, inevitable truth, like gravity. I keep waiting for some magic.

After the last two years, dramatic weight loss/weight gain is something I’ve been overanxious and freaked out about, understandably. I keep waiting for some bizarre, nonesense thing.

But here’s the deal, yo: I’m using less insulin on the pump. I’m working out three days a week. In a normal world, that would equal a steady to lowering weight and a very nice a1c.

But, you know, I’ve never lived in rational land. I’m always preparing and expecting the out of the ordinary.

This is probably why I’m a fantasy writer.

But it makes for a pretty overanxious life.

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