I’ve been feeling for the last week or so that I’m fighting an uphill battle, and rapidly losing ground.
I’ve had a number of freakouts lately (food binge twinges, exercise shrug-offs, early-to-bed “low” days, and two very, very uncommon twinges of claustraphobia – weirder still because they came within a couple weeks of each other), which should be irregular. I’ve been having crappy dreams, and have been pushing myself into bed earlier and earlier, only to wake up the next morning, look in the mirror, and realize that the face staring back at me was still incredibly exhausted.
This month, I turned 25, got a raise and promotion, spent two weeks in and out of Denver, briefed myself on an entirely new telecommunications project in order to learn the basics of an entirely new technology, fell mad-crazy for another impossible person in order to muse away my hours, struggled to alter my diet and exercise regimen (again) and implemented a second off-day weight routine, decided to study for the LSATs with the possibility of applying for Law School on the horizon, and got my first 1000-hit day on this blog.
I told work I was taking some PTO and my floating holiday, and I’d see them Monday. Slunk home again tonight without going to class. Bumped into Jenn as she was on her way out, let her know I was taking a vacation and planned to sleep for four days.
“You know,” she said. “I think that’s a really good idea. You’ve looked… really tired lately.”
“Thanks for saying that. It’s like, no matter how much I sleep, I wake up and I still think I look tired.”
“It’s weird, it’s like these last few days, it just feels like something’s gone out of you.”
I’m tapped out.
I’ve been running really hard this month, took too many plane rides, freaked out too much about exercise, pushed myself to think about a thousand things all at once, got pissed off because I wasn’t spending enough time on my novels, spent an incredibly ridiculous amount of time angsting about people in general, and have only managed to get to sleep every night by taking a Tylenol PM.
I’m incredibly, incredibly tired.
Don’t expect blogging miracles this weekend.