Here’s a handy Buffy episode template for Season 3: something every young, aspiring slash fic writer should keep in their toolbox.

Cold Opener:

Buffy is on patrol. She kicks vampire butt, etc., then stumbles across a person[s] killed in a gruesome and emblematic manner.

BUFFY: Ew.

*cut to opening credits*

Scene: The Library

BUFFY: …and why did this idiosyncratic killer have to strike while Figure From My Past is in town?

GILES: Mmm. Describe the bodies again, especially the crucial little detail that sets these deaths apart from the last eight million deaths this year? *takes off glasses, cleans them, puts them back on*

BUFFY: *describes*

XANDER: I know! Let’s do some research, for a change!

GILES: *glares*

BUFFY: Whatever, I’ve got class.

CORDY, passing by the library door: My, I’m shallow!

Scene: Cemetary

BUFFY: *kicks vampire ass*

GILES: Hey, over here! Someone got whacked in the same easily-identifiable manner!

Scene: Library

GILES: I think I may have found something. *reads from a dusty old tome* Let me translate: “…and lo, a fusty English man will read from these pages and…” *blinks* Heeeey, I’m NOT fusty!

BUFFY: Skip ahead a bit.

GILES: Yes, here we are. The MacGuffin of Qwerty’uiop! Ancient folk legend refers to an object of incredible power…

BUFFY: What does it do?

GILES: *reads a bit* Freshens breath, whitens teeth, improves fine-motor control…

BUFFY: What does that have to do with the murders?

GILES: Beats me. I must have been high when I highlighted that passage.

XANDER: *cracks wise*

WILLOW: *says something endearingly loopy*

CORDY: HELLO, I’m still shallow!

BUFFY: Yeah, whatever. Laters, everyone, I’m meeting Figure From My Past for coffee.

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