As I don’t actually do anything here all day, and Jenn is a procrastinator, we often send e-mail back and forth to bide our time.
Yesterday, she sent me this clip of “a man saving a gazelle.” I was unimpressed, and did not respond.
Several hours later, this conversation ensued:
Jenn: Do you not love the man saving the gazelle? Is he not excellent?
Me: You realize that though the gazelle was saved, the Cheetah now goes hungry.
Jenn: Screw the cheetahs and their oppressive regime! Do they value freedom? Do their people have liberty? Do they know SCIENCE? We should invade their country and overthrow their evil dictator, then give gazelles the vote!
All we have to do is send a small unit of our troops in to rescue the gazelles, just as that lone citizen did – this will spark a revolution that spread like wildfire! Soon you will see a coalition of the willing charging in to save the gazelles – our soldiers will be sprinting alongside wildebeests, elephants, caffeinated sloths, and the occasional arctic moose!
Me: Oh, Jenn.
Jenn: I am offended by your patronizing tone, my roommate. The men and women of this country could do worse than getting out there every once in a while to rescue the odd gazelle.
Me: I just don’t think I have anything to say to that. I mean, really. You know, cheetahs have spots. Like giraffes.
Jenn: I’m sure that lily-livered Brendan is a cheetah sympathizer, then. We’ll have to keep an eye on him.
Moral of the story: watch out for the cheetah sympathizers.
I have the Best. Friends. Ever.