I have a confession to make:

I eat a lot.

I eat more now than I can remember eating in the past. Or maybe I did eat more in the past, but I ate it in three daily gorge-fests.

In any case, despite or because of the fact that I eat so much, I’m still shrinking. My size 12s are fitting better and better, and it’s become nearly impossible to wear the 14s, even just for kicks (I like loose jeans, and they look good loose, but they fall off when I walk). I’ve been a little jumpy about the idea of ever being a size 10. I can’t imagine it. I was a size 12 in the sixth grade.

Some of my fear of all this shrinking has goaded me into eating a little less healthy than I’d like. I prefer eating well because I feel better after doing it – whether this is physiological or just me not feeling guilty, I don’t know, but I’ve been lax about the eating. Being on the road two days a week means I’ve been lax as well.

I had a bowl of chili and two grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner last night. A couple hours later, I had some ice cream. Breakfast was a bagel with cream cheese, 4 slices of bacon, oatmeal with fruit. Lunch was a chicken patty, chips, and tomato soup. I had two bagels, two drinkable yogurts, and some grapes for snacks throughout the day.

I seem to be incapable of living on less than 2800 calories a day without feeling deprived.

I’ve thrown out everything the dieting industry ever taught me about dieting, and suddenly I’m well on my way to being a “normal” size (oh yes, according to the stupid BMI chart, I’m still overweight. They can kiss my fat ass).

Still, I’m not sure that two grilled cheese sandwiches are the best way to go. Ideally, I’d like to add more green vegetables and more protein to my diet. I have another motive for adding protein – I’d really like to up the amount of weight I lift in the morning instead of adding more reps. More reps means I’ll need to get up earlier, and that’s just not happening. I think 5:30am is early enough.

I’m also concerned about my endurance, which is why I’d like to go back to a couple days a week at the gym beyond the yoga class. I want to get in a half hour of cardio and some more weights. I’m getting a little winded going up the three flights of stairs to our apartment, which shouldn’t be happening.

It’s springtime now as well, so I’d like to get my bike fixed up and spend some more time bike riding. Ideally, I’d have a bike that could make the 10 miles to work and the 10 miles back.

Dude, if I could commute to work that way even twice a week, I’d be totally buff.

I’d also like to expand some of my interests. I found a place that does bellydancing lessons for $8 a lesson. Trouble is, it’s Tuesday nights, when I’m in Indy. I want to work out some sort of different schedule with Sarah about Indy. I’m spending too much time there.

Busy busy. Just the way I like it.

And at some point, I’ll need to go clothes shopping again. Almost all my shirts are too big now. I look like I’m swimming.

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