Steph and I decided to go to the Fair! Because it’s fucking summer, yo. And the fair is full of awesome.
We just missed The Ohio State Fair in Columbus, so we traveled a tad north to the Darke County Fair.
We are arrived. Free parking, yo!
Did I mention we are arrived? Boy, we both needed a vacation….
Stephanie kicked my ass (TWICE) at the pig races. We decided beforehand that whoever won would gift the prize to the loser. I figured this was perfect, because I am awesome at rollerball games and I could totally win her a prize!
Then she kicked my ass. TWICE. So she won me this chicken! Or, maybe, it’s a duck. A duck chicken. Really, we’re not sure. I named him Oscar.
It’s not the fair without some dinky princess tiara. The closest I’ll ever come to wearing a Campbell tiara! I guess I just try and look forward to a Tiptree tiara?
Then it was on to other fair-time treats… like giant produce!
Stephanie, tho, had her eye on tasty, award-winning desserts. These were under bulletproof glass, let me tell you.
Checking out all that food made us hungry. Cause, let’s face it, why else do you really go to the fair except for all the food? This place drew us in with this impressive BBQ rack. Those are old-school coals cooking that meat there yo.
And oh…. what meaty goodness it was!
Oscar, too, was getting pretty parched by this time.
Have I mentioned we were really here for the food? The tasty, tasty roast chicken? I suspected, at this point, that Oscar really was not a chicken, as this massacre of his fellow beast did not seem to bother him. But really, how could he be a duck? Have you ever seen a yellow duck?
Excuse me, this chicken bone here, ah… that’s better.
Tasty food elicits goofy faces, srsly.
But Stephanie isn’t such a meat person. Oh now, Stephanie had been pining after the fresh corn on the cob.
And oh boy, yes. Fresh corn, people. We passed fields and fields of Ohio corn on the way in. This was our reward.
And that was that.
Time for a brief rest before that other fair time attraction – livestock! What? You thought we’d do the rides right after we ate? What do you think we are, 15?
This is totally what Tessa and Kimmie the dawgs would look like if they were goats. Srsly.
Stephanie was not terribly interested in visiting the animals, but she seemed to get on well with this goat.
I think she fell in love with it, actually.
We found out later that we weren’t supposed to be touching this sheep, as it had just been groomed for showing. Ooops. Way to read a sign, Hurley.
Kameron says, “This is a big motherfucking turkey.”
Stephanie’s imitation of this rooster.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner! This pheasant must surely be one of Oscar’s kin. Could our duck-chicken really be a pheasant?
Which of these things is not like the other???
I don’t think this is one of Oscar’s stock.
This duck, then, perhaps?
Maybe this duck is Oscar’s mom? Note the similiar hairstyles. We may never know. These are the mysteries that will keep me up at night.
Holy crap, Monty Python and the Holy Grail figurines. No self-respecting fair-goer should go home without these.
Classic Ohio vs. Michigan baby chic.
OK, yo, lunch is settled. Ferris wheel time!
View of the fairgrounds.
High up over Ohio! High on life, that is!
High on life with Oscar!!
Look, more fairgrounds! The fair was just about the right size for two krazy kats like us.
Rockin’ out with Oscar on some more rides.
Singing the “Ooooo hiiiiii oooooooo” song with Oscar.
Oscar pretends to fly. I pretend to be impressed.
Rides are done. It’s time for ice cream!
And what trip to the fair would be complete without face painting? What, you thought I’d leave without getting my face painted??
The look on my face says it all. Deep fried twinkies. Yes, they were selling deep fried twinkies at this Ohio fair. I just couldn’t leave without one. Did I mention I stocked up on insulin yesterday in anticipation of just such an event?
Seriously. It’s a deep fried twinkie. He totally dipped it in batter and fried it. “You want powdered sugar?” he said. “Oh sure!” I said. “Chocolate sauce?” “Er, I said, uh, no!” I mean, I have to draw the line somewhere, people!
Trying the first bite….
Actually, this is pretty fucking good!
Stephanie’s obligatory, “I can’t fucking believe I’m sitting here with a deep fried twinkie eating hippie in Ohio. What have I done with my life??”
My response, “Stop your bitching or the duck-chicken gets it.”
And finally, what trip to the fair isn’t complete without totally making yourself sick with that one extra treat just before you leave?
My obligatory “Gee golly the patriarchy loves me and my phallic desserts” shot (OMG this should totally be the author photo on my book jacket).
Home again, home again, jiggety-jig.
Next year: deep fried Oreos and skee ball!