Life

Wow, I hate budgets. I hate not getting what I want. I hate living like a lower middle class person instead of an upper middle class person. I hate having to think about money. Grocery shopping is like fucking pulling teeth. I have to say no all the time, me, who’s been getting by in

1) Make pancakes2) Finish reviewing tDW series synopses3) Update full series character database from tDW appendix completed yesterday4) Pay Verizon bill5) Write 1000 words of Black Desert6) Go grocery shopping (stay within $90 budget) Things I have already blown off today: 1) Eye appointment. I really need to stay in-network. Money issue. Will reschedule at

Can’t sleep, too much in my head. When does this bullshit go away? I have a million things to do tomorrow, and I need to fucking get over this. I wish a million things. When I wasn’t ready, I had to end relationships because they were ready. Now that I’m ready, they’re ending relationships because

I dreamed about Wiscon last night. All sorts of fuzzy things, too many people, tricky social situations, obsessive concern about my own presentation, doubt, worry, panels, people. It’s not that I’m overstimulated these days. I just have too much time to think. Too many changes all at once, the last couple of years.

When I was twelve or thirteen, I started getting these prescient dreams. I’d start dreaming about things that ended up happening a couple of weeks later. Not big things, but certain situations, events. I’d dream in snapshots. They weren’t terribly useful sorts of dreams, because how can you prevent or prepare for the arrangement of

Too much writing. Not enough boyfriend. Silly sadness.

… with pancakes and snow.